So just a few days ago, everyone’s favorite underground-dwelling rodent delivered its prediction for whether or not we’ll be graced early by Spring’s presence—OR—left to deal with a snowy inferno for the next 6 weeks…
And he said… 6 more weeks of winter.
(collective boo-ing ensues)
What comes to mind when you think of Groundhog Day? For me, I always think of the movie with that same title—where a man aptly named Phil ends up living the same grey, dreary day over and over and over again until he finally learns the lesson that the universe wants him to learn.
Anyone else see that movie?
I think this movie comes to mind for a lot of us when we think about being stuck in a rut.
Chances are you know the feeling. You find yourself in a place in life where every day just kind of bleeds into the next. Life doesn’t have that same special spark that it used to. And it often leaves us asking—what happened here?
Then maybe, one day—you just happen to see something—perhaps a TV show or someone else’s vlog on YouTube—that just seems to draw you in. It feels like a spark of color in an otherwise grey background.
There’s often the voice that says ‘Wow—this person is doing exactly what I’d be doing if I weren’t so (fill in the blank)’.
This, my friends, is the whisper of something more—a reminder that life is more than just repetitively going through the motions.
A rut is often something we want to get out of—but maybe don’t know how to go about taking those first steps. This blog will go into things that I have used to get myself out of ruts in life—and my hope is that it will give you some guidance on how to get that spark back in your own life too.
The first step to getting out of a rut is simply—recognizing that you’re in one in the first place!
When I think of being stuck in a rut, the first image that pops into my mind is the backrooms.
For anyone who isn’t familiar—‘the backrooms’ is an internet meme referring to a drab looking place with the same, drab yellow-colored carpeting and walls everywhere. Think: old, abandoned office building. That sort of vibe.
Each corner looks exactly like the last—and it never seems to end. And the longer you spend there, the more despair sets in.
That is precisely what being in a rut feels like. Life feels like that place where you find yourself facing the same problems, the same lessons, and the same situations over and over again. There doesn’t seem to be a clear exit or path forward. It feels a lot like going in circles.
You might find yourself thinking:
- “I keep finding myself back in the same spot—over and over again.”
- “Things are not moving forward.”
- “I used to love this job—but now I just find it boring and tiresome.”
- “Ugh—I don’t want to get out of bed and (go to work/bring the kids to school, etc.)”
If any of these things feel relatable to you, you just may be in a rut in life.
But thankfully, a shift is possible. And it starts with the way that we think about our situation.
The perspective shift that changes everything
The thing I want to impress upon you more than anything is that nothing—absolutely nothing—in life is hopeless.
No matter how stuck you feel, no matter how impossible the situation you may be facing—there is always a way to improve your situation and to move forward. It may not be exactly the way you think—and things may not take the shape that you had originally planned. But there are things that you can do today to move forward—you simply need to open your mind to be able to see them.
No one is actually as stuck as they believe themselves to be.
The second step to getting out of a rut is taking stock of the things that you are able to control—and no longer putting energy into the things you can’t.
A few years ago, I realized with stark clarity that I was putting way too much energy into things I couldn’t control—aka other people’s reactions.
I spent a lot of time and energy throughout the day trying to keep the people around me happy, believing that it was simply what I had to do—and that if I just did the right things, everything in my life would be fixed.
But it doesn’t work that way—we can’t control other people. And I found myself feeling exhausted at the end of the day and unable to work toward my goals. The only thing I could manage to do was watch silly YouTube videos and eat potato chips.
I eventually realized that I was not going to get the result I wanted by continuing to do the same things day after day. While I couldn’t control the people around me, or the economy, or the fact that my kids’ school could call me at any time (interrupting my workflow for the day)—I did have control over one thing: how much energy I put into the different areas of my life.
And I eventually stopped putting any energy into being perfect, or trying to change people’s minds—because the fact is, no matter how hard I tried, that wasn’t going to shift.
And when I stopped depleting my energy reserves throughout the day, I found I had more energy to spare.
While some of you may also be fellow people-pleasers, that’s not the only way we can spend all of our energy trying to control things we can’t.
Other ways this may show up:
- Putting all of your energy into advancing in a job you hate instead of trying to save energy throughout the day to apply for new ones.
- Spending too much time reading or watching the news, and falling into despair or panic about the state of the world.
- Trying to make your body look like a fitness influencer’s (even though they may have a different body type than yours) rather than trying to be your healthiest self.
- Obsessing over past regrets rather than trying to make the best of your current situation.
Many people find it helpful to make a list of the things that they can and can’t control—and try to figure out where exactly to put your energy from there.
The third step is taking aligned action to change the things that you can
This step may be the scariest. Ruts can sometimes feel boring, yes—but also comforting and familiar.
As you take steps toward change, strong emotions of fear or hesitation may come up. And it’s important to be patient and compassionate toward yourself as you undertake this process.
As we make big, bold changes in our lives, the weird, uncomfortable feelings are totally normal—not signs that we should immediately turn back.
Some tips for dealing with discomfort:
- Take care of your physical health
- Have a few go-to calming/comforting routines you keep in your life
- Make changes one at a time
- Journal about whatever feelings may come up
My recommendation for making changes would be to think ‘small and sustainable’.
Maybe this is my ADHD brain talking, but I tend to not like the idea of ‘small’. I can see the end goal up ahead and maybe dive in a bit too zealously at first, only ending up disappointed that my day wasn’t as epically productive as I’d planned.
Anyone else relate?
But it’s far better to set small goals that you can stick to than to set huge goals that only leave you feeling disappointed and disillusioned in the end. The more you can set a goal and see yourself get there, the more you will trust in your own ability to create change in your life.
So basically, think of a few things you can begin to add into your life now in order to create change.
For example:
- Eating a vegetable with every meal (something I’ve been trying to do recently!)
- Adding a 10-minute walk to your daily routine
- Do one lesson in your language-learning app daily
As you track (and celebrate) your little wins, your momentum will only increase.
Final step: stay motivated (get emotional about your goals)
When I say ‘get emotional’, I’m basically saying to put some feeling behind your goals.
Picture yourself 5 years from now having accomplished what you want to. Don’t just imagine what will have changed on the outside, but also try to envision how you will be feeling on the inside.
For example, one crazy, audacious goal I have at the moment is to one day get to a point where I have enough financial (and time freedom) to be able to travel yearly. One place I really want to go to is Seoul—so sometimes, right before going to sleep at night, I like to imagine myself at a hotel or Air B&B overlooking the city at sunset, calling my friends and telling them how excited I am to finally be there. I can feel the feelings of gratitude, excitement and joy already—and imagining that that’s how it would feel to finally reach that goal only serves to fuel my motivation.
So for whatever your big, audacious goal is—try to envision yourself already there. How will you be feeling? Maybe even try to put yourself right there in that scene—what will you be hearing, seeing, smelling (like envisioning seeing signs written in Hangeul as you sip an iced mocha in a cute Korean café 😉).
In moments when it feels like motivation is waning, it may be beneficial to revisit these scenes again and again—just to remind yourself why you’re on this journey in the first place.
I hope that this blog felt a bit like a welcome ray of sunshine to cut through the winter dreariness.
It is absolutely possible to get yourself out of a rut—even when it feels impossible.
And the more steps forward you take–recognizing what is in your control and putting your energy there—the more you will begin to see just how capable you are of making big, positive changes in your own life. Because we all have way more power than we think we do 😊
